Letter One: January 1st, 2014

     You were the most unexpected thing to ever happen to me. The whole year we spent together almost seems like it wasn't even reality, and now that I think about it, that's because it wasn't. I was cast in a show, and you were the lead, pulling my puppet strings all along the way. Some days, you were the best person on the planet. Loving, funny, smiling, singing, laughing.... and other days, I felt like I was trapped in hell with the devil himself. It all depended on the scene you had set for us that day. I woke up every morning never know which role I would have to play that day. Would I have to be the funny girlfriend who had to make you laugh because you were stressed out? Would I need to be the shoulder you cried on because you were stuck in the past, reliving all of the bad decisions you once made? Or would I need to be the mother and wife, folding your laundry, cooking, cleaning to your preferences and taking care of the kids? I never knew, and more often than not, I failed to read your emotionless face and figure it out for myself. You think you defeated me by breaking my heart. You take pride in telling everyone I was at fault, yet you never ever admit to your own.  How I ever was able to love someone with a heart as black as your own, I will never know. You think you somehow "won" by leaving, but now that the show is over, I can tell you wholeheartedly that I am the one who came out on top. I see things for what they are now. I can spot the fakeness in people from a mile away. I laugh when I want to, and I keep the bathroom a mess because I can. I hang out with who I want to and I stay up late all the time. You think that you have somehow stepped above me by stepping on me, when the truth is, you were like the weight holding down a balloon, and now I'm free to rise above. And the best part? You cut that rope yourself. Even after everything you put me and my children through, I can forgive you for your cruelty and for everything you've stolen from me. I'm not forgiving you for you because you don't deserve it. Oh no, I've forgiven you for me, because I deserve to live my life free of the anger you caused me to live with for a very long time. People tell me that one day, Karma will come back to get you for what you did to me, and I tell them... It already had by blessing me with freedom. Your freedom comes with a price though. While I barely even think of you anymore, everyday of your life you will know that your freedom wasn't earned, yet was a gift that I gave to you. You said it yourself. It was a gift, and you don't have to pay me back for it. You certainly don't, and my pay back is simply knowing that the fact of the matter is you will live the rest of your life not being able to brag about "overcoming" your past on your own like you so love to do. No, you will spend the rest of your life knowing that I was the one who gave that to you because you were too weak to live up to your end of the deal. Superman's Kryptonite. Boom.